


way down reylotown

by lenin_it_to_win_it



Category: Hadestown - Mitchell, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:08:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29442384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lenin_it_to_win_it/pseuds/lenin_it_to_win_it
Summary: When Finnridice is fed up with his broke ass sugar daddy, Poerpheus Dameron, he signs Kylades's ass contract and is taken way down to Reylotown, way down under the ground. In a tragic tale of bad marriages and even worse sex, will Poerpheus and Finnridice's love prevail, or will Persephorey and Kylades keep the hell train a-chuggin?
Relationships: Finn/Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron/Leia Organa, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Kudos: 1





	way down reylotown

**Author's Note:**

> happy fucking valentines day mia, my awful wife, i hate u more than anyone else <3

poerpheus and his gay husband finrydice had a pretty bangin sex lif but their hot girl sumer was about 2 become a dead bich autum. forshadowment was in the air

“poerpheus wy cant u buy me that verscache jackit i asked 4” sed finridicie discontentely “u didnt spend all our life savings on spice agen did u”

poerpheis gasped in outragedness “u think im a DRUG DOER as wel as a deler just bc im an latino??”

“no i think ur a drug doer bc im literely watching u snort spice thru your asshole as we speek!” snapped finnredecy exasperatedly

poerphis closed his asscheeks embarrassedly “ops u werent supposed 2 c that”

“watever im going 2 go scavvernge for food and designer clothign out in the WILDERNESS bc ur the WORST SUGER DADDY EVER” finridice shouted disappoitnedly as he went outside. in the outside, whimch was a desert bc bitches be going back 2 jakku, he wuz met by an old comrade

  
“did somebodey say SCAVENGE” shrieked persephonrey ferally in deliht “bc i found this THICC bottle of wine in an abandoned spaecship erlier we can get HELLA turnt my b”

“but alas it wuz not 2 bee” narrated leiermes tragicelly “bc persephereys husebnd kylades arrived on the circus trane from clown town”  


“ur EERLY” scremed presephonrey pissedly

  
“i m is,,sed uu,,” kylades sobbed simpishly, pissing his high waisted black pants. He wuz not weareing a shirt. he never did. shirs wer a waste of mony and he was an capitalist who horeded every space penny he exploted out of his workers

“ya well im not gonna miss UR HED with MY PHAT ALPHA LIGHTSABER” persephonerey yelled arousedeyl  
  
“nOT IF I MURDER U FIRST SCAVENERGER WENCH” repleid kyelades just as hornily

  
finredece, understanding that this was their awful versien of forplay, just sighed and started lookign 4 scraps of food and/or stray designer fits in the dirt while perhsephonrey and klyiades heteroeroticelly ligtesabered at echother without even having fun banter or anytghing bc star wars is a DISAPPOINTEMNT. eventelly persephoenrey stabbed kyloades in his cock (such as it wuz) and he lay beleding on the sand. unfURRtuneately (a/n: kylades is a furry OBVS) kylades wasnt ded enuff not to hit on finreididce

“u wanna come on down 2 my shady capitelist crib” he wheezed as he bled 2 deth from the sexy lightsaber wound persepohnrey had inflicted on him. he didnt mind— it wus basicelly like pegging so it was fine

“i wud NEVER—” begen finnridice disgustedly

“we hav vershachce jackets”

“—SAY NO 2 THAT HELL YES DADDY” cried finidiriice exstaticelly, leaping in2 kylades’s scrawny bich arms which broke instently 

“al u haav 2 do is become one of my unded laboerer— i meen, stormtroopers” klades corrected hastily “and sign my totelly not suspicieis ass contract” 

  
“u mens and ur contracts” laffed persephonerey drunkenly as she slurped wine directely form the bottle. the wine wuz actually mostly sand by that pont but she wuz used 2 it “somtims im glad i never learned 2 read”

leiaermes turned directely toward the audeence “just yall fuckn wait” 

finriridce signed kyladess’es ass contract with, whut else, a pen and they all went way down 2 reylotown, which was rey down under the ground

poerohphus was 2 bussy recording soundcloud raps to even notic any of this until leiriermes bitch slapped the hedphones off his ears to yell at him for wat a dumbass he was

  
“pOerpheus u iNGORANT SLUT” leirimes yelled wrathfully “kyleades just STOL ur husband and now he is the DED waht do u hav 2 say for urself??” 

“by my album on soundcllond?” suggested poerphus hopefully 

“without finridece around whos gonna slurp on ur sand worm if u catch my drift??” retorted leiermes as she crossed her arm sin anger! 

poerpehs GAPSED and his asshol GAPED due to all the spice he had shoved int2 his intenstines to smuggle past 1st order blockades “shit babe ur RITE” he declared determinedly “i nevr shoudlve doubted yur sexy milfy wisdom”

“damn rite u stupid flyboy now wy dont u pilot this pussy” replyed leierimes seductively as she took off her cloths “its ben a long time since my shithole ex husbend ham soldo died frum getting too turnt at a jeb bush rally,, cheubabka chews this clit on the dailey but its just not the same as having a humen do it”

“thats kind of racest against alenes but im not one to look a gift horse in the croch so LETS GO” cryed poerhpheus eroticelly as he plunged into leirimess space snootch with all the sped and agileity of the million falcons running after a ketle or watever the fuck solo was about 

(a/n: FAKE FANS of hadestown mite claim that hermes and orphueus never fucked but that just shows wat YUO know >:((( aniaise michelle PERSONELLY dmed me on twiter— @michaelcrawfordsimp69—to giv me the lirics to an unreleased hadestown reprise of “al ive ever none” and it goes lik this:

orpheus: all iv ever known is how 2 blow my load,,, but now i wanna blow u tooooooo *cradles hermeses nuts* i dont wanna ever hav too let u goooooo

so THINK b4 u SPEEK bitches!!!11)

so anywey they totelly banged and leirimes spankt poeropheus on his loose ass for being such a nauty little pielet and then they went to way down reylotown way down udner the ground in a galxy far far away 

peroeponrey was sighing discontentedly at all the frist order deth star maniufacturing plants kyleldes had build in her abcess “wers the DIRT” she yelled enragedely “how r u suppost 2 lay me in the dert if thers no fuckin SAND u BLOODY WANKA” (a/n: rey is bri ish bc her dad, palapitines son, wus actuelly gordon ramesmey all along)

“i d.d.dont liek sand” sobbed klyyooedes weepingly “im anakin skwywalker factkin so making me think abt sand is literelyl oppresing me.. besids” he sed tearfuly “i built all these starkiler bases… 4 us. when u c them expldoing planets think of it as me EXPLODING with jziz at the thot of t-toouchign ur hnan,d—“ just thikngin about pereophoereys rough feral touch against his own begloved silky pale tenderboy hands was enuff to make kylades cum so hard he knocked himself uncoscoious 

persepherey wusnt upset tho bc that ment she could go slut it up in her spekezy wher a sexy jazz verseion of the cantina music played as she sold jars of dirt and PORTIONS 2 kyladeses’ legion of stormtroepers 

speeking of stormetropers fineredice had becum one of them bc he signed kyladesesesesess ass contract!!!1!!

“i dont evn remember my name” he cried despareingly as he contineud his work task, whichmst was 2 mass produce darth vader body pillwows. he wated for someone to retort sarcastriclly at him but no1 did bc the fates had unuionized

then porpoise burst int2 reylotown in a spacehship that he wuz pooliting! “finridieyce i luv u and im here 2 save u with my succulent peen!” he declared boldly as his erection thundered (a/n: reovoluition is really more of a pussy out look) “il shit out all the spice iv stored in my colon over th eyeeres and sell it 2 buy u all the versasce jackoffs u want babe” he procolaimed romanteicelly, taking finridices hand and biting his lip homosexeully 

“but i signehed kyladeses ass contract” wept finriidcece regretfuly “now i belong heere in his body pillow manufunacturing factory,,, unless he decides 2 switch me to the ahegeo hoodye manifactaring division” (a/n: evn tho kylesedes didnt wear shirts he ABSOLUTELY wor aehego hoodies, he just was shirteless underneth)

“wat if i get u out by starting a revolutuion… IN SONG???” suggested poerrpheus songfully

“oh this girl named rose ticket tryed to start a revolution a while ago but it didnt work” finridicee told him sadly “bc all she did wuz let some horses losse and then leve.. it wuznt exactly the type of brode systemeic change we neded 2 better are working conditions”

“ya but could rose tickeit do.. THIS” poeropheus shouted sexily as he strummed his gutier with his huge cock

findirice wept tears of seductment and lust “no1 can play dick guitar like u peorphus,,, lets fucc right here ont he grimy factory flor thats never been washed”

so they did and they both got dick tentenaus and also gangerene but thats just a sacrifice u make when ur in LUVE damn it!!!1!

thye went 2 the throne room whichmst was red to symbolize pussy, I Guess, bc stor war fans r so reperessedly horny that ltiererlly everythign can b a pusey metaphor, and klyades was wepping as he tried 2 et perseophereys vagussy bc sand kept falling out and oppressing his tougue

“if i sing u a song that makes u beter at eateing pussey wil u let me and finriidice go?” asked poerpheus charmingly 

“NO” growled kylades at the same tim persephenrey shouted “YES GOD YES”

  
“ok.,f ine” wept kyledes defetedly “sing ur diddy,,, but im the one slurpign on persephonereys tiddy”

“he cals me pademe the wole time” persephorey added grimacingly “its real fuckin werird yo— oi mean its bonkahs bananahs as we BRITS say spaghe’e bolonAISE”

  
“anywy heres wy we build the wonederwal” sed poeropheus as he sexily strumed his acocoustic gitar dick first. his cockflesh wuz so callesed he didnt evn feel it. kyleades was moved 2 a jelus screaming rage of tears bc his own linguine dick couldnt evn play a banjo withut slicing open 

“GET OUT!!11!” he sobbed enragedly, throwing his lihtsaber tantrumedly at peorpheus “ju,st go adn LE,,EAVE and take ur WHORE byofrined with u” then peorphseus and findirice eyed echother lovingley wich gave kylades a idea “but if u evn LOOK at him ONCE I get to keep him 5EVER mUAHHAUHAHHA” 

“that seems resonable 2 me” persephonerey agreed wastedly as she pored herself mor wine, adding in a shot of kyladesses fancy ass fruit scentned perfume whcih was an luxury liquuer to her peasant palaette 

So poerpheuss and finridicee started 2 leve relyotown BUT  
  
“ohghn its so coooold” shivered finrydice sadly “with no vershache jacket 2 warm me my BARE, MUSCULAR BODEY is so cold and exposed,,, it wuz 2 hot in the body pillow factorey so i took of al my clotheses and now im NAKED”

“HONK HONK AWOOOGA” schreeched poeerphues arousedly, whipping aroudn at the speed of lite to witness the nakednes of finriicy

“ur eARLEY” yelled finrieice desparingly as he wuz yanked way down 2 reylotown “and tbh i dont even know why im fuckin surprised at this point”

“i missed ur rockin bod” wept peorpheus longingly and lustfully 

leirimes smacked him reassuringly on the ass “to bad about all that pal, but these braless space tits arent gonna slurp themselves” 

“yes sir generel orgasma!” poerpheus replyed salutingly as his dick saluted as well 

wile poerpheus was guzzlign down leiremes’s milf milk straite from t he tid like the thirsty widdle baby he wus finrieice wuz taken back 2 the pussy chamber/throne rom

“roit im done here!” yelled perephoerey disgustedly “is it spring yet bc oim about 2 springload my fist into ur pathetic litel nuts klyades” 

“hgnnghn is that a thret or a promise” kyleades simpered lecherosly 

“on god i hate it here” sed finridice as he shook his hed “is it 2 late to get writen out of this fic liek rows ticko in rise of skiwalker”

“yes but its KNOT 2 late to get writen INTO my hole” suggested kyledes bottomishly

“yes findiriice wy dont u fuck my husband thatmst i h8 i get wite girl wasted and drunkelny laff at how smol his tallywacker is” persephoerey agreed as she stelthily stol kyladeses’s wallet and took yet another gnerorous slorp of wine

(a/n: all u HATERS and STUPIDS in the coments r problably gonna try and MANSPLAIN about how hades and orpheus never had sex in hadestown but my twiter bestie aneiieis mithchel said otherwise in my dms last nite when she sent me the totelly legit lyrics to another unrelesed hadestown song “we raise are cocks” 

peresphone, singing as hades gets absolutely RAILED by eruicice: pour the piss and raise the cum/ drink up, bruvs, u know how/ these drops were spilled 4 orphesus/ whatever hes fucking now

persepheny and eridicie harmonziing as eurrice slides her wicked strap directly int2 hadesese skinny penis: some birds fuck int he ded of nite/ our prase is not 4 them/ but the ones who fuck wehn the sun is brite and every1 can totelly c and here them/ we raise our cocks t0 them)

as finriricece’s dick split keyladesese open like a wite flesh hot dog in a microwaeve persepherey got in on the fun by shoving her now empty wineglass up kylades’s asss. the senentation of cold glass inside his VERY worm colon made kyleades so hrorny he isntantenously force bonded with perpesherey AND finriiciese and they had astral plain force ghost sex wile anapkin skywalker, lube skyboner, hoebi wank enobi ,glup shittos dad and hand soap chered them on and celelbreted their gr8 sex with stremers of gost jizz that raind down upon them all 

menewhile abovegoround poeprheus gargled signigmly around a frothy moutful of leiriemes’ bitchin breast milk “LAAAAAA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAA” 


End file.
